I’m Just A Girl

by Stephanie

My dating history reads like a bad novel. Ok, that’s not true. My dating history wouldn’t even fill up a nice pamphlet. That’s because it doesn’t exist. Yep, you read that right. Does…not…exist. 25 years. No dates. I could pretend to be self-righteous and claim that I’ve spent the last decade or so cloistered up with nuns or that I’ve just been too busy curing cancer and striving towards world peace, but that’s not true. It just hasn’t happened. I’ve been accused by many of being too picky with a long list of unreasonable expectations. But I’m really just a girl looking for a good story. I believe life is just a series of good and bad stories. All those events that fall in the middle can be spun in either direction and I think love is no exception.
Let me break it down for you:
Some Possible Good Love Stories:
1. Boy meets Girl in the travel section at Barnes and Noble when they both reach for the Frommer’s guide to Rome. After exchanging smiles and phone numbers, Boy asks out Girl.
2. Boy meets Girl at a rock concert and proceeds to pursue girl relying on his quick wit and clever song lyrics to win her over.
3. Girl meets Johnny Depp and they sail off in a big boat to their own private island.
See what I mean? Completely reasonable.
Now, let me share with you some of MY stories:
1. Boy meets Girl. Girl, moderately interested in Boy, goes out with friends and Boy gets wasted and takes home Girl’s friend.
2. Girl decides to be nice and ask Boy to sporting event. Boy threatens to leave Girl alone in bad neighborhood and causes Girl to have to endure lame conversation and the loss of $150.
3. Girl meets married Boy.
4. Girl meets gay Boy.
5. Girl meets creepy old Indian man who calls her Sexy Lady and follows her into the laundry mat.
And now you see my dilemma.
When it comes to who I date, the moment I lose the possibility of a good story, it’s OVER. Usually before it ever begins. Not to mention the fact that this city is notoriously tough for single people. But I still refuse to let go of the story. So I wait. And wear a lot of lip gloss. I mean you never know who you’re going to meet in the travel section of Barnes and Noble.
P.S. We at nametagsandhairnets.com are currently casting the role of Boy. If interested, please email headshot and resume to dontchawannadateme@hotfolks.com
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