Stephanie Lechner: Nametags and Hairnets

Failing career assessments since the 8th grade

Month: November, 2009

So Damn Lucky

You ever see that episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fey’s character dates a remarkably handsome man who has lived his entire life in “the bubble,” that other-worldly dimension where everything goes your way because you’re just so damn pretty?

Yeah, I work with that guy. I’m not kidding. I watch in awe as he gets free drinks, bank fees get waived, people break out into song, rainbows and unicorns appear out of nowhere and the streets are paved in gold. And all because his smile kinda resembles a toothpaste ad.

It’s sickening.

But there is an upside. Hanging around the bubble people long enough, sometimes us regular folks get some residual bubble affects. Case in point, we have a Starbucks inside the hotel where I work. As employees we used to get a 25% discount, but they ditched the discount about a year ago. Today, we walk in and my genetically-blessed coworker politely asks the barista if we could get a discount as employees. She explains that she’s not supposed to give us any discounts, but for us she’d make an exception–a 50% exception.

I have previously been denied any discounts from this particular barista on multiple occasions but no dice. She did not seem to recognize this fact or me for that matter. Lucky for me I have such a forgettable face and I brought Bubble Boy with me for my coffee break.

I’m thinking, though, that maybe this gift shouldn’t be used solely for personal gain. Perhaps if we clone Bubble Boy into an army of bright & shiny soldiers, we could send them to the Middle East and finally achieve that world peace which has eluded us for so long.


The Tracks of My Tears: UPDATED

oh no, it’s starting to spread:

this does not bode well for me.

The Tracks of My Tears

Never in my life have I wanted so badly for Perez Hilton to be wrong. I’m going to remain optimistic and believe that it’s not true because credible sources like Rolling Stone, EW and MTV have not reported that Steven Tyler has quit Aerosmith, but still. I googled it. It’s out there. For those of you that know me, you can imagine how unsettling this news is for me. They weren’t supposed to break up. They survived drugs and the 80’s. Only death was supposed to stop them. And the thought of replacing Tyler with a new singer. Sure VanHalen got luck with Sammy Hagar but lightning sure did not strike a third time when that got that other guy. And don’t even get me started with Journey hiring a Steve Perry sound-alike. I need to stop. The thought of it is too upsetting.