So Damn Lucky

by Stephanie

You ever see that episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fey’s character dates a remarkably handsome man who has lived his entire life in “the bubble,” that other-worldly dimension where everything goes your way because you’re just so damn pretty?

Yeah, I work with that guy. I’m not kidding. I watch in awe as he gets free drinks, bank fees get waived, people break out into song, rainbows and unicorns appear out of nowhere and the streets are paved in gold. And all because his smile kinda resembles a toothpaste ad.

It’s sickening.

But there is an upside. Hanging around the bubble people long enough, sometimes us regular folks get some residual bubble affects. Case in point, we have a Starbucks inside the hotel where I work. As employees we used to get a 25% discount, but they ditched the discount about a year ago. Today, we walk in and my genetically-blessed coworker politely asks the barista if we could get a discount as employees. She explains that she’s not supposed to give us any discounts, but for us she’d make an exception–a 50% exception.

I have previously been denied any discounts from this particular barista on multiple occasions but no dice. She did not seem to recognize this fact or me for that matter. Lucky for me I have such a forgettable face and I brought Bubble Boy with me for my coffee break.

I’m thinking, though, that maybe this gift shouldn’t be used solely for personal gain. Perhaps if we clone Bubble Boy into an army of bright & shiny soldiers, we could send them to the Middle East and finally achieve that world peace which has eluded us for so long.