Insomnia is genetic

by Stephanie

My mom always gives me a hard time about putting my phone on silent while I’m asleep. She thinks that the worst sort of emergencies happen in the middle of the night, and if I keep my phone off,  no one will ever be able to reach me. I suppose it is a fair enough argument, but I insist that people got along just fine before the existence of cell phones, and that whatever might happen in Indiana at 3:00 am could wait until 7:00 am when I wake up. I’d rather not disrupt my already delicate sleeping patterns.

Thursday I woke up around 4:00 am to get a drink of water and kick my cat out of my bedroom (Chaplin gets particularly annoying when it’s close to breakfast time). I saw the flashing light on my blackberry, and discovered that I had a missed call from my mom around 2:30 AM. Worry set in as I imagined that the dreaded “midnight family emergency” had finally happened. Before I decided to call her back, I noticed a text message sent at 2:34 AM and found this:


The picture is a little fuzzy, but the accompanying text explained this: “Piper enjoying Cool Whip!”

My mom had called me in the middle of the night to share a picture of her fat cat enjoying whipped dessert.

I went back to bed, and the next evening, on Friday, after I just arrived home, I received a call from my mom at 12:47 AM as I was settling in to go to sleep. Curious, I answered it, and immediately asked her “Why are you calling me so late?!?!” The conversation went something like this:

Mom: “This is important! Do you have QVC?”

Me: I have no clue. I thought you said this was important!

Mom: “Oh it is. They are selling Spanx with this great new material, and they’ve marked it down for the next few hours. I just woke your dad up to get have him get me the credit card.

Me: You do realize this is the 2nd night in a row that you’ve called me after midnight. Can we talk about this later.? I want to go to bed.

Mom: Aw,  Steph. Don’t you go out at night anymore?

So not only was my mother imploring me to buy discount Spanx at QVC, but then she put the nail in the coffin by mocking my latent social life these days. Apparently insomnia is genetic.

This is precisely why I silence my phone at night.